The Devils Manual for IT Managers

Part 4: Initiating a project with a Strategy one-pager.

This is the fourth in my series of hints for aspiring IT managers. Here, we give you the template for the one-page strategy document required for initiating an IT project in a corporate setting. This will turn a lengthy process that hitherto has required much thought, into a simple cut n' paste exercise.

Before we give you the templates, I should make a few points clear. One pagers' are not written to inform the reader but to protect the writer, so, in order to understand the reality of what is being proposed, you have to read between the lies. 'One pagers' should be obfuscated. to this end, they have a beginning, a muddle, and an end, and should have more bullet points than the St Valentines Day massacre.

The 'One pager' should not mention anything that could possibly arouse anxiety. There are no problems, only benefits. Costs should not be mentioned, and infrastructure, maintenance, and resilience planning should not be alluded to. The paper should present a soft-focus flattering picture, much like a bra advert in a women's magazine.

A special word about Grammar. Sentences should be clipped of pronouns, prepositions and other trivia. Every paragraph should start with a bullet point. These are special IT Management Bullet Points, with a completely different meaning to the normal: it signifies that the paragraph has an implied ending '...if that is all right with all you managers.' and, if read aloud, should be done so in a placating tone of voice with rising intonation.

Factor's Law on writing One-Pagers is that the time required to write a 'one pager with a facer is inevitably two more days than you've got.

Generic IT Project One—pager

Background

• A key business requirement has been identified to improve business processes, increase profitability, increase efficiency, and improve customer satisfaction by developing an all-purpose one-pager.
• The IT Systems Office recognizes that, since all papers will be completely re¬written by each tier of management (before reverting to the first version) the actual content of the first draft doesn't matter.

Achievements

• A cross-functional team has been put in place to gain buy-in to the principle of forming a sub-committee to supervise the drafting of a straw-man by an Intern or Industrial Trainee
• The users/sponsors have committed to come up with the name of the new system and develop a video simulation for Executive review
• XML and Web 2.0 technology opportunity given a bold heading in management review
• Issued this paper for review to huge email distribution list
• Preliminary system scope identified potential savings of
• 0.01% of warranty costs and three equivalent supplier heads
• Increased the rate of decrease in the year-on-year profit reduction in European markets

Plans

• An outline process, complete with Executive and Steering committees, working groups, task forces, will be launched in the First Quarter of next year
• A detailed plan for a plan to schedule some work amongst the management reviews will be issued
• Rotate all senior analysts on the team to other jobs and replace them by enthusiastic newly trained recruits who identify the 'quick fix' to that 2 year problem, involving the use of Java and EJBs on a LAMP platform.
• Support low inventory objectives by designing on-line BI balanced schedule functionality for all sites - link to SOE, Bivalve Ballcocks, rapid flame thrower technology, Orgone accumulators and other non-specific complex-sounding downstream equipment.
• Identify a means whereby the project helps to save the planet by using low energy, recycling, and carbon neutrality. Failing that then use Open Standards, and offer rich business performance information.

Issues

• Multiple issues required to avoid the impression that the task is simple.
• Need to ensure system delivers benefits in line with current fashionable flavour (Cost, quality, health and safety, ISO9000, lead-time etc.)

Planned actions

• Define phase one scope for quick launch (year after next) and increase project team from two people, consider bland issue which no-one really understands, but is generally considered to be a big deal
• Read last year's business plan and copy the listed benefits, but take care to juggle the order.